Sunday, 28 December 2008

Belated : )


***Merry Christmas***

to all of you!

Let's see im an odd 3 days late. But "better late than never" don't you think.

Well this year, I'll admit that I didn't really feel the so-called "spirit of Christmas", I guess it's just that we've seem to have forgotten a few things. For example the real essence of this season, which isn't of course giftgiving, though sometimes it may seem that way.

The real essence of Christmas.

Jesus Christ.

I think this year I've been far away from Him.

The true essence of this season is remembering His birth. The season where we celebrate his coming to the world in human form to sacrifice himself for our sins. The season where we rememeber what he did for us. I think this is this season's real essence.

Sadly, I didn't really feel it this year.

But nevertheless, I thank Him for his sacrifice for me and for all of us. Though Christmas might haven't been so "Merry" this time around. I think this coming 2009 we should be more "God-Based", and leave our old sinful selves behind.

Anyways rememeber what we were put on earth for.

Hope You All Had a Pleasant Season,
Love You All,

Renz Tengco

P.S. Jesus Loves You


Sunday, 14 December 2008

Dum Di-Dum

Listening to: Miss Independent - Neyo

Who knew I'd actually like that song. xD

Well I was planning to blog daily with a roll of pictures so that I wouldn't bore my dear readers, but as usual the procrastination got to me and I lost track.

I think I'll write a couple of entries later with some photos from this week. Oh well. I said "I think" not "I will" or "I shall". So don't be too expectant ay?

I actually slept quite early last night better than usual 4 am, I slept at 3. Yay? Hahaha.
Let's just say I was caught up doing some heavy thinking.

I'm quite hungry.
Renz is home alone again for the third week now.
I'll go get a bite in abit
Let's see if I do rememebr to post stuff up in awhile.

Thursday, 4 December 2008

I Didn't Know You Could Dance Like That!

After convincing Nial to create a blog of his own, I found out that his first entry is about me.


He's the one in the picture on my left, yes the other guy in the blue hoodie is the very handsome Renz Tengco. *erhemerhem*

In response to his first article, I am quite surprised that I didn't lash out at him. I admit he did get very annoying at times, especially when he curled into alittle ball in the sofa when he needed to have a "break" after hearing a scientific term. Lol! But as I said in my previous post he has good student traits as long as he works harder and asks more questions. (Like my all time favourite: "I didn't get you" - which made me start again. Now trust me that's one question that I like more than someone who just nods even when they don't understand.)

For the past three Karate sessions I've had him tag along with me, and hopefully on Saturday he starts. (Yep that picture was from one of the buildings of Sacred Heart Church, [where our dojo is located] yes I know he's smilin like a prick haha)

Oh joy, I've got my left hip bruised up nasty haha.

And Robbie is leaving on Friday meaning that we've got both Sensei Jess and Sempai on vacation, its just Sensei Mar left and the two other Senseis (Sensei Sammy and his wife [and I still don't know her name O.o]).

(I hope Robbie gets me Nunchucks >.>)

It's starting to feel empty in the dojo and where have the Pilongos gone too?
Plus that little kid who always cheers me on, the two or three other female whitebelts, Abeeja and Mico and the other two greenbelts. I hardly see Jay C. as well nowadays except in Church. O.o

Bijju was in today, we sparred. Then i had to handle the whitebelts along with George, err I think I'm starting to become a really mean teacher. My favourite phrase with the whitebelts (who are an all kid group) was: "I'm really not a bad person" followed by littany on how they're supposed to have discipline and the such.

Nial videoed my spar. Dad saw it and commented that I moved around too much.

I need to train some more.
Wait. I mean I want to train some more.
Either way. Still have to train.

I have Nial's form as well, that's it, I'm filling it up for him later. It's 2.18AM O.o

Now to publish this!

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Election of Youth Officers xD LastLast Friday

We had the election of youth offciers the week before last. I'm VP!

Yes. It feels like I'm destined to be Vice-President of everything concerned with politics. Ironic really, since I was a junior in Church I've constantly been elected Vice-President, back in the days when Noel was around he was President and I was his VP.

Do these events foreshadow something? lol!

(Well it was never a big secret that ever since I was young I wanted to get into politics later on in the future, do these events signify that I should run for a VP position in government? Hahahahaha ow the thought churners now I feel this post is becoming immature lol!)

Continuing, we seemed to have nominated Kristine for every postion from President onwards and finally she won as Treasurer. (Well we did it mainly for fun as she didn't really want to join the elections.) Peace Tine! haha

Oh well... so officers are as follows:
President - Kevin Estrada
Vice-President - Renz Tengco (woohoo! haha)
Secretary - Jon Marasigan
Treasurer - Kristine Ogtip
Program - Gen Adapon

I hope we get to represent the youth properly and I pray that God watch over all of us.

Thursday, 27 November 2008


Err... again it's been around a week since I last blogged. Nothing interesting really. Same-old-same-old.

I just got out of the shower and whilst I relax, being clad only in my blue towel. I shall blog.

SInce Saturday I've been tutoring Nial for his variosu subjects, starting off with Mathematics, Physics, Biology and Chemistry.

Truthfully my satisfaction with my work is at a low since only the Biology tutorial semed to be one of the only things that pleased me and in some occasions I had to learn a few ocncepts whilst I was teaching O.o, but nevertherless, I'm still going to plough through with him. Problem is he's usually tired when we do the tutorials and when your tired you have a tendency to block things out. But I must commend his cramming skills since, we can go through the basics and thoeries at an acceptable level. All he needs now is lots and lots of practice. We'll push through, poor dude's been transferring school so much that he never had a chance to learn properly. Reminds me of what happened during our IGCSEs we changed math teachers so many times that sometimes we were thoroughly lost.

I've got to admit, he's a model student in one aspect. He always stops you when he doesn't understand what you're doing and I find that really helpful since most people's responses to tecahing are just plain "nods" and "yes's" which I find annoying because frequently they're agreeing to something they don't know.

Another thing I love about tutoring is that I have a chnace to learn and practice with the student I'm tutoring, on more than a few occasions I usually tell myself after coming to frequent realizations: "I wished I understood it that way before" or "Now I'm clear with that myself!".

I just checked my email, looked through the junk. Now instead of special discounts from Viagra or latest style news from StyleHive, I have this email froma Russian chick from some dating site. I always wonder, they're not really the ones on the pics on their profiles right?

Hahaha... Oh what has the world come to?

Errmm since now I'm fully clad in jeans and a hoodie, I'm ready to leave in a bit. Its a Thursday so that only means a LAN session with Nial and Paolo. I'm not really in the mood to go gaming but I don't mind.

And its nice outside, winter is just around the corner. It would be nice to be in a relationship right now, weather is perfect for it hahaha and summer its nice to be single! LOL xD

Anyhow I've think I've written enough today, I'm off to help someone with a problem then I shall fix my hair.


(and crap i miss her hahaha)

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Southern Weather

Listening to: Southern Weather - The Almost

I realised I was,


To the people who helped me see that.

Thank you very much

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Kevin Brent Estrada

"Last night a tragic accident took place in Bahrain City Centre.
One of my dearest friends, Kevin Estrada decided that he couldn't take the pressures of life anymore. The stress of having a band, and being a daddy to all of us.
Paying for our biryani, helping us with our shawarmas, and having no internet.
They soon took toll on him forcing him to make the fateful jump."

Here are his last pictures.

We love you Kevin.

Monday, 10 November 2008

Lost Myself

Listening to: Swing Swing - All American Rejects
*changes the song*
In the Ayer - Flo Rida feat. Will.I.Am and Fergie

I love this song, always cheers me up.

Well its 16:33 and im waiting to leave for Karate. I can't stand my Mom complaining I need to leave soon haha.

I got up at 11 am today got breakfast and uploaded a new pic on my Friendster, commented on random people and commented on her profile.

Had lunch, took a shower, and got my stuff ready.

Now I want to leave badly.

I feel rather poetic today. My last email actually rhymed. o.O

Oh yeah I had Nial call me and tell me to log in on his MSN minutes ago. Asking me to pm his chick for directions to her house. I admire this guy's efforts, if only I'd shown more effort last time. But that's a different story, that I don't really feel like telling right now. Probably I won't even blog it down though a lot know what happened. I feel like I should leave it for awhile.

Maybe if I feel like writing sometime this week I might jot it down. xD

Well I had to check his mail as well.
(How come I feel like a secretary?)

Oh well I have nothing else to say.

You know what I find really strange we rant about our parents so much but we love them so much. Crap, go ahead and call me a goodiegoodie on that staement, but you know its so true.

I'm bored.

Sunday, 9 November 2008

Hitting Below the Belt

Yes folks. I haven't blogged in since forever.

So before I reach a month without blogging and have Katie Lao whoop my cute butt, or have some people presume Renz dead. I shall blog.

So I declare that this entry shall be the longest I will ever have!

Okay so now where do I start?

* * *

*at this moment I've checked through my drafts to see if I tried blogging during the time I stopped*

My last entry was on the 12th of October so since its the Ninth today, I was 3 days close to having abstained from my daily (well not exactly daily) activity of writing my digital memoirs.

This entry shall cover different issues that occured during my blogger absence, and my staements and my views regarding each. As well as my random ramblings as usual. LOL
* * *

The weekend was interesting in a sense.
Unfortunately (though I have my own personal views which I will not disclose regarding this issue), my dear friend Naj has broken up with her boyfriend, and it seems like the dude blames me in a way. Now I know I shouldn't be making any comments regarding this issue but since it sparked up and my name has dipped in its ghastly waters more than occasionally I shall comment. I won't give any details nor mention any names than what is required.

Firstly, I have not attempted to steal anyone's girl during the course of my life. Though oppurtunities may arise in different occasions, I haven't consciously done such a thing yet. Nor do I plan on doing so in the near future. I view those circumstances as "hitting below the belt" and wrong. Though, I will agree that sometimes it might seem plausible that you could "work" to get someone back. In the case of Naj and her boyfriend I did not attempt to steal her away from him.

Secondly, let the world know that she is my "bestfriend".
Though through that sentence, enough has been said, I shall ellaborate further.
Who in the correct mind shall attempt to spoil someone's happiness? I will state the fact that during the course of their relationship (well during the earlier stages) she was happy, and as a good friend, or better yet a normal human being. Why should I destroy or attempt to withold someone's happiness, when they wern't doing anything deemed wrong.
Furthermore, being someone's bestfriend has its own obligations. Being there for him/her, giving advice, spending time with, being a shoulder to cry on, an outlet for stress et cetera.
So I don't think I should be judged for acting out the way I should.
There are other things that go under the connotation of "bestfriend" but I think we all don't need a separate essay on that.

Thirdly, a message to the guy:
Do not involve me in your problems especially if it appears to me that you have cuased them yourself. You wouldn't involve me if I was female would you? I was your friend before the relationship, seems like you have forgotten that

My apologies to who ever needs them.

* * *

What else happened during the weekend?
Lets go back inverse chronologically (couldn't call it anything else, lets say "backtracking?" haha)

Well I've spent last week (save tuesday) going to school in the mornings to pick up my requirements. I'll be back tomorrow to pick up the final bunch since the principal must be in by now. I heard she's honeymooning in Paris. All the best for her. I just hope she's back in by tomorrow. I'll probably check with someone on school for details later.

I could also ask if I could work in my old school until December, I'm not doing anything here anyways and she's probably in a good mood anyway. She'd probably listen.

It was Nial's Birthday onThursday and once again let's have a beautiful occasion spoiled with feuds. >.> . (This is getting annoying nowadays). Well after staying in school on Thursday I went over to Habeel's. Then had Dad pick me up and we popped over at BCC to have a couple of our mobile prepaid lines registered. Dad had to go back to the office to switch cars so I told him to leave me there since Nial was there anyways (he was there by himself, wanted to buy something), we had a late lunch/snackage trip for his birthday. But I had to leave early since I still had to run a couple of errands.

* * *

Bianca Shantelle

And no it isn't the new girl I'm crazy over. XD
Mom's bestfriend gave birth. I don't know when now was it the 14th or 15th. Anyways I popped over the hospital the next day. Anyways Karate was a walking distance away so I left the house at 2, and lounged there with the new baby till 6. It was amazing. Probably the youngest thing I've ever touched. Makes you realize how precious things are. A welcome reminder to the shizz that Mom went through giving birth to me, and the love she'd shown when she held me there in her arms during the time when I was only hours old. She probably wants her "blacksheep-of-an-only-child" to revert back to her once "baby renren". I love you Mom! hahah XD

Yeah, Tita My's husband, Uncle Pradeep had me hold the baby.
Crap I was scared.
Who would ever think a skull could be so soft. Scary

Well another miracle from God.
A new life.

* * *

Okay I'm getting really tired of this really long entry but with all first shall we end with a grand finale?

There' something I haven't tackled yet. Im wondering if I should wirte about it some other day.

Let's make Jay C. decide shall we:

Renz: yes or no?>
Jay C.: huH?
Renz: choose
Jay C.: link?
Renz: yes or no
Renz: choose one?
Jay C.: i dnt knw the question
Renz: that's the thing
Jay C.: lol.
Renz: just choose one: yes or no.
Jay C.: bhala k
Renz: hahaha
Renz: come on yes or no?
Jay C.: bleH
Renz: haha
Renz: kill joy are we? come on choose one.
Jay C.: i dnt knw the freaking question dude..
Jay C.: y wud i choose
Renz: hmmm
Renz: just pick one
Renz: hahahahhaa XD
Jay C.: nvm.
Jay C.: bhala KA!

**bahala ka - is tagalog for "whatever you wish to do"

* * *

I am getting tired so I guess we'll leave it for some other time.
Ill blog sooner folks don't worry.

love you all,

Sunday, 12 October 2008

I almost lost my dad tonight.

I had a post in my drafts, that I was suppose to continue. It was about God. I told myself to finish it after three or four days, but I've let it rot.

I've deleted it.

An awkward silence befell us tonight.

As usual, in our "war-torn" house. My mom was complaining about something, and it seemed like another argument was going to brew between my mom and dad. I seemed to be getting used to it. I don't know why.

Suddenly Dad called me from the PC and asked if I was doing something important, I was about to retort. My mom was about to complain... when he interrupted by telling my mom:

"I wanted to pray".

Mom and I were really puzzled.

He continued with telling us his story.

It happened in the traffic light, that was in close proximity to our area. The lights went green and he turned. There was only one car with him turning in the same direction. Suddenly, another car who has apparently skipped the red light, at full speed, came blazing towards the direction of my dad and the car that was going into the turn with him.

If it was for a matter of split seconds.

I wouldn't have my Dad with us right now.

The other car was hit.

Not my Dad's.

Wreckage. Ambulances. And Police followed.

God saved my Dad tonight.

* * *

This was a reminder to my family. Maybe we've forgotten about Jesus lately.

I think we did.

God was trying to send us a message.

Though we have many difficult problems, some that take so much of our valuable time. Nothing is as important as someones life. But more importantly, He's telling us that he still is in control.

Jesus Loves Us

* * *

I realised that other problems seemed petty compared to the life of your Dad.

Even though we don't really get along... he's cool.

* * *

This event is a message to everyone involved and not involved.

But God still cares. I know he's watching over those hurt tonight.

God Bless them.

* * *

It shows how God's miracles and man's freewill run. The driver chose to over speed, the driver turning in with my Dad and my Dad were just turning in. God saved my Dad.

I don't believe in luck.

But I do believe in God's blessings.

God Bless You All,

Reniel "Renz" Reyes Tengco

P.S. Don't forget about God, because he still hasn't forgotten about you.

We saw that tonight.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Thursday, 18 September 2008

Penguins Taking Over the World

As I am uninspired I shall blame the "muse" or the lack of muses around me.

Recollecting to yesterday's post, I told myself that I'd blog before i slept - after karate. Thing was after dinner I kinda felt so tired that I was sleeping before 11.30pm. Late? Actually not. My usual daily sleep patterns, let's say after I got into holiday mode when my IGCSEs finished, I started sleeping at 4 am. So that's like 5 hours earlier than expected. Okay this is boring me. since when has discussing sleeping patterns become interesting renz?

What's new
I'm invited to Maurie's debut tomorrow. Provided that I do not have certain members of her entourage savagely tear me to pieces for my presence there. I should be delighted to accept the invitation. It's more of a first for me (too bad I don't own a tux)... I guess that designer suit I have will do. Haha.

My cockiness gets the best of me again. Well I often wonder if my cockiness is actually a good thing, if I wasn't I'd probably have people scrambling all over taking advantage of me.

To think of it, it has gotten me into lots of trouble already, with a variety of people hating my guts for reasons still mysterious to me. Mysterious to me, its the cockiness remember?


Oh great I'm talking to myself in my blog ><

They say its great therapy talking to yourself. O_O

I'm not in the mood to continue so I might as well end this and read or something...

Blame amira for the lame title d:

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

I love brunettes ... <3

I don't really feel inspired right now. Though it's becoming a common (and not to mention cliché >.<) practice nowadays to blame the "muse", we all blame it time after time probably for our own comic relief. (We could also speculate that the ordinary human always blames someone or something other than him/herself, which leads me to think of what the "muse" really is. According to the widely acclaimed and renowned... Wikipedia haha. The "muses" are a sisterhood of goddesses or spirits. They originated from Greek mythology. To think of it, when we blame the muse, responsible for the inspiration for; lets say the art of writing, we are actually blaming a "personified concept". Funny to think of it that way, don't you think? Another churning thought: words like "amuse" originate from muse. In a way we've incorporated "personified concepts" into our vocabulary, and when we can't write or if we feel uninspired again we blame "personified concepts")

Right now I'm actually a bit in a hurry with this entry, I'm going to leave in approximately 23 minutes haha. I always make it a point to be one of the earliest in the dojo. Okay enough of that.

Things I did today; hmm quite a bit actually woke up with a bare 3 hours of sleep i think, accompanied Mom to the hospital to get her medicines. Read a bit on Alexander the Great today, I guess when I get back home today, I'll be reading more on him. I've developed this urge to complete studies on major events and world players in history. I've always loved the subject. I could reminisce back to those days, studying the Greeks and Archimedes in was it Year 4?
I just never enjoyed the French Revolution and Bahrain history all that much haha. Oh yes it feels like a chore most of the time but at least I could pass some time studying and doing something productive couldn't I?

But is learning about the what happened before, in line with the belief that one should live in the oppurtunities of the future rather than the mistakes of the past.

As Wafi Al-Zawad (a good friend of mine) once shared with me:
"Instead of focusing on the mistakes of the past, live for the oppurtunities of the future" <-- to the same power not exactly word-for-word in acuracy but sufficient.

Oh yes, whilst reading Katie's blog, i was quoted by her. That's a first, feels really good to be quoted. Which leads me to the last mumbling of my mind I will deal with before I go to Karate. It's a message to Naj...

"Unrequited is undoubtedly a good piece of work hun, and you should be proud that you've been recieving a lot of positive feedback lately. Though I've only managed to read half of it, I still commend it as a good piece of work. I think that I won't be the only one to agree that we want you to continue it. Its nice that you're artistry isn't only visual based as it also extends to writing. Be proud of you're work, God gave you your talents, to the utmost best we should improve them and then use them for His glory."

Guys don't you think that Naj should continue "Unrequited"?

Oh well people I'm going to bounce, I'll be back tonight

Btw I love brunettes...
just saying haha

Friday, 12 September 2008

I Don't Believe in Fairytales Anymore

listening to: maybe - secondhand serenade

I'm probably running on limited time here in Bahrain and can't afford to waste any of it any longer, though I'm resistant to even the thought of leaving, I have a feeling that I really have to. I could come back, but I still don't know if that's really an option now.

I was supposed to write a really long "paper entry" today but I've lost the mood, but for this morning and the following morning tomorrow; I'll be planning the rest of the days. Plus a routine of getting up at 8am to get more things done.

I have so many things to do, that I've simply disregarded so many things that I'm supposed to be doing, but not anymore. That changes from today onwards.

I think if I start thinking again, my brain might pop. I think that isn't a good idea if I'm planning to take college. Haha

Well I've finally found a grant that I could apply for and guess what? It's from Princeton, the institution that Dr. Peter suggested. I am anxious. Who doesn't want to get into Princeton? But what are the chances of me getting in and studying for free... another factor to consider is the fact that I'm a foreign/international student.


I think, I'm letting go slowly. I don't want to think about it anymore probably I will, later on today. I'm going to get rid of my baggage, maybe its the realization that fairytales are none existant in real life. I think I've fallen, but the best thing about falling is that you can get up again and smile. Maybe I want things to get fixed maybe be friends and probably just stay that way. Its less awkward that way more convenient and practical.

"And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place"
Maybe - Secondhand Serenade

Saturday, 6 September 2008

"When you were small..."

I still remember those words my dad said on Thursday, as we passed those "kiddie rides" after we picked a few things up at Al-Jazira's in Budaiya. I actually miss those helicopters that take u up and down for like a minute and a half. They used to have them at that supermarket that doesn't exist anymore down in Gudaibiya. Oh memories, though I'm not in the mood for a recollection right now. I miss those Tetra-Pak juice cartons and nibbling on the straws haha wait... I thought you weren't in the mood for a recollection Renz haha.

I feel at ease, I love this mood everything feels so calm... you can just relax and enjoy anything that you feel like doing. I'm going to spend these two weeks reading and probably studying history. I'm quite up for it, I wonder why you don't really get in-depth analysis on 1900's history in school. I mean isn't that more interesting than the topics they give nowadays. I know you have to know the history of the country that you're living in, but how come the focus on that particular history seems to be so important. I mean how will students respond to someone talking about the "cold war" and "communism".


I also need to read on those topics in depth, I enjoyed doing modern history with Mrs. Zahra back in Year 9. That was way more entertaining than memorizing when the first aeroplane landed on this island or the location of the first oil well.

I'm getting extremely dramatic now.

Oh joy there's a correlation between my introduction and the other paragraphs, it's all about the past...

Karate was fun today, I learnt Kata 4 and a bit of 5... they were sparring but I wasn't allowed in since I was a beginner.

Oh well maybe next week, or the week after.

I'm getting bored. Ill write the list on what to research on in a bit.

Signing off.

Wednesday, 3 September 2008


Yesterday at around 6pm I felt inspired to write a blog entry, but i sorta decided to leave it till the night. Unsurprisingly I forgot to, during the night. I developed a splitting headache, and a messy thought process. As usual I believed that sleep would cure me, but sleep didn't come at that time yet, I watched a movie: Drillbit Taylor. The usual story and expectations - crook becomes good in the end, and everyone gets the girl. I sometimes wonder the only book where I didn't quite expect what I was expecting was Dickens' Great Expectations. A great book that I should get ahold of one of these days. I did it in Year 8 and I liked it alot, we did it indepth with Mrs. Khalaf.

Okay, I was reading Katie's blog yesterday. As usual I'm impressed with the quality and her knack for writing. When she blogs it appears to be a scrapbook at somepoints and at most points she just lets her ideas roll onto the screen. Some would disagree that letting your ideas flow and take a course of their own as you write them down (or blog em haha) seems to remove the order in writing, but I say otherwise that's where the therapy begins. Just letting everything inside you flow. Well that's what i noticed with the some people's blogs, notably Katie's and Naj's. Hmm now this entry is starting to sound like I'm copying other people haha.

I've got Karate today, and I'm out of focus I tend to confuse things with one another. I need to concentrate or else I'll get everything wrong. I just have to remember one thing: "keep everything simple". Plus separate things from each other and don't get worried. DON'T GET WORRIED RENZ. I ain't worried about it, I'm worried that I'll get confused. That's like fearing fear.

Reminds me of the cliché batttle i had yesterday with Katie. everything we talked about seemed to be cliché, and that every word we spoke of was cliché, and cliché itself has become cliché since everyone uses it often too frequently it must be cliché by now. Even having this paragraph about word battles must be cliché in itself if you think about it. (I'm starving I'll come back to this) (I'm back oh look it's the next day already i started this post 3ish pm and now its 00.07 haha). Where was I? Oh yes "cliché". I'm going to stop writing about it, I'll do it some other time - it's starting to anoy me now.

Well my the upper skin on my toes are blistered. Stupid slippers, went to karate wearing them since I don't get the point of wearing shoes to the dojo anyways. It's Jay C.'s and Kristine Ogtip's Birthday today. Happy Birthday to them! *texts them*

Hmm I just came from the other tab on my other browser window, I don't feel attentive to my blog today. Oh wells.

An 8 year old orange belt taught me katas last time haha such a good teacher. It was funny but nice in a way. You learnt humbleness. Reminds me of that 7 year old who taught me the moves for 'Crank That' last time lol. Well I have to refine every kata, technique and every movement.


I guess so... We have to strive to be perfect though we are imperfect. But the idea of trying to be perfect doesn't mean we forget that we are imperfect. Through imperfections we are perfect human beings, because the perfect human being is imperfect.

Reminds me of that Filipino director Joey Reyes, he said something like this: "Imperfections, make you human, and being human makes you beautiful". Not his exact words but to the same power.

Oh well I'll end my ramblings now. What do i do after I post this? Hmmm...

This entry seems to follow the footsteps of Katie's blog, random ramblings of the mind. But it seems to put me at ease somewhat.

Wednesday, 27 August 2008


I got my Gi (Karate uniform) yesterday (it's 00.38 now so that's yesterday) and I can't wait till 19.00.

I've had another ego battle with Kevin today, he's learnt 5 Katas already - probably from Jay C. - that sucks. We have this thing of wanting to spar so badly, oh the male ego haha.

It's Katie's Birthday today I was reminded of it after I got an email from Friendster in my inbox saying that she updated her blog. After giving her a Birthday comment, I decided to visit the blog and have a look at the post that I was alerted on. It seems refreshing at times to read other people's blogs, especially hers. She's got a knack at writing I should say, really good insights on things and well developed posts. Plus all the colour and various other images keep you interested. Reminds me of Kal's posts in his blog though few, they seem to be of good quality. Makes me reflect on my own blog, sometimes you could treat blogging as writing practice. Trying to jot and type down instances in day-to-day life with insights into specific aspects of it.

My left eye feels funny, I've been suffering from eyestrain nowadays. When you've got nothing interesting to do except hang around online the whole day I think you'd suffer as well. Well I've got those classes to focus on now so I guess I'll be up to something useful instead of loafing around daily.

I'm actually rather annoyed right now. Someone here is bothering me. No it's not you, she's in the house haha. Crap how I lack patience, I'm going to quit swearing at all now.

I'm wondering if the Gi i got is rather big, I just hope it shrinks abit.

I'll be gone from the morning straight I have to got to the hospital with mother. (I just called her mother haha I'm sounding Victorian now O_O).

I think I'll leave the PC now my eye feels bad...

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Strawberry Milk

I was at Jay C's today, went to that karate class he goes to, I signed up today. Whilst dragging Kevin to signup too. It's my second week there, checking it out. I decided to join it, since i need something to do in my holidays, I'll probably concentrate on it alot. I need the discipline as well.
I start on Wednesday and I need to get the uniform tomorrow.

Kevin was hesistant at first since it might conflict with his Church scheds, well finally he asked for the form as well. Now i think i have to get him a uniform tomorrow as well...
That goes on to my things to do for tomorrow or later (its 2.18am now *sigh*).

I had an interesting day today, Kevin let me in a little secret he knew haha oh well bummer. I need to control myself. Seemed like we wasted the whole afternoon at Jay C's playing craphead and PS2.

Hopefully I get to advance quickly in Karate, it seems like fun and serious at the same time. My sort of thing. Dad was a blackbelt. It's something i want to do for myself. Can't wait. woohoo

Reminds me, piano lessons again *sigh* I'm considering them nowadays. I started Canon >< yea which Canon is it? haha.

I had some more realizations today oh well I guess I owe them a thought. Crappers it's late I need to get some rest.

Saturday, 23 August 2008


Mood: Confused

Okay, I'm half naked, and I need a shower...

* * *

I've been a very pathetic person this week, I had nothing but problems going through my mind. Pretty annoying when people know you as "happy-go-lucky" and rather bubbly. Oh well, we all have our pathetic moments. Just seemed like my moment lasted for 1 week.


Then I had to dip my nose in my friend's problem, well he told me to help so I did.

* * *

It feels like highschool all over again. This time new faces with new issues, and the sauce of it all: complications. Oh well. "Oh well" seems to be the only thing I can say right now.

I have a couple of tricky moves to make this week, they involve two talks with two different people. Oh well. Here we go again, I thought I left highschool business already haha.

Anyways, another hallmark to my life.

I need to talk to happy people. I've got people bringing me down right now haha

* * *

After the constant crap I got, I finally said goodbye to baggy jeans. Hahahaha.
Woohoo wait till they see me now

* * *

Nothing like good humour. Anyways I have more crap on my mind right now but I'm going to let it pass. I still have two talks to go before this thing is finally over. Well all is well I guess. I don't feel like writing about my problems right now.


Tuesday, 19 August 2008


Sometimes God uses the most painful things in our life to put us back on track, as Kevin would say "it puts us on track and other people as well". It's amazing soemtimes how we tend to forget him and prioritize other things, like your possesions, your heart, and other smaller things. But the thing is we often forget that sometimes its not always about us, or rather its supposed to be about Him.

Maybe this situation I got in brought me back to realize that someone much more powerful can control my life, though i already know that. Probably this time it put me on track and fixed my trust in Him. He's working now, weird. I know. We all know.

Through every problem that we've been battered with, sometimes i often wonder: we tend to forget God maybe until the peak. He was always there for us just to give all our problems and give him our loads, but we were too stubborn caught up with ourselves.

There's a greater hapiness out there that only he can give, an empty void part of us that longs to be filled. We just need to cry out His name and tell him to be in control. We all need that love that can't be found anywhere else, a love that made Him send His Son to die. It's so simple. Yet we are full of pride.

After what happened I thnk this time i really need to rely on God - fully rely on Him - I'm confused as well. Things are blurry, I think a tough week has just fallen on me, but I need God. I really do, it seems too big a problem right now but he's there i know it. I need to trust Him.

There are things that have been broken and they seem to be unmendable but I have to keep on trusting and having faith.

There are endless apologies, too many people were hurt. Just too many. Mere words are sometimes useless in expressions of your sincerity, I just don't know now. I seem to be the cause. But i need to have faith.

God help us all in everything that's happening right now. We need You.

We Just Need To Call Out His Name.

Monday, 18 August 2008


It's just that surge you get, that doesn't want to leave you, and it feeds you. You want to do something irrational but you seem to be in control. But sometimes the surge takes control of you. The inability to make good decisions. Sometimes you seem to have that feeling of enjoyment in it, the sadistic kind. Maybe you want that feeling to be kept in you, but it eats you slowly.

Friday, 15 August 2008

Endless Riddle

I've kept and succesfullly maintained my hyperactive state for about 3 days now, as Marvie couldn't have said it better "be happy". Well yes, I tend to forget about any mindless problem that gets in my way. Letting go with nothing but a carefree thought.

My personal key to optimism is any problem that cannot be solved or worked at immediately or at the time being, is not a problem that you should constantly worry about. This attitude doesn't mean forgetting that you do have a problem but every problem requires a deep thought. Upon resolving it, a time for reflection. But since you cant do things instantly why worry about them? Give them a thought and have a plan to implement. You have to pray of course and seek His guidance. Soemtimes the best slution is to wait for clarity before making decisions.

* * *

A recent phonecall just now, has left me in a mindless riddle. The sort where you are not given many clues and less space to manoveur - leaving the riddler in control of the situation. It was simple, I should be seeing something that i cannot see, or i've seen that i've ignored. Seems ironic that i've put it in these terms. Hanging up - I've realised some things:
  1. What is going on?
  2. Are the people that i trust involved somehow?
  3. What did i miss out?
Annoying in a sense hat you don't know what your dealing with. Confused as you the reader could be at the moment. It could be anything to a major flaw in my character, soemone I've hurt, a couple of hurtful words said to the wrong person, a misjudgment, the happy-go-lucky in me taking over some aspect in my personality - or what i fear some plain flaw that i know of and been trying to correct. I fear in a sense that I've wasted time on this nonsense.

There are other things in my mind that seem to be dragging me down. This has been the second layer in the cake as you might call it. I know that some people are hiding things from me, I deserve to know a couple of facts about a certain issue, someone wants to burst out in anger over something that has got to do with me, and I've unwittingly hurt a couple of people and haven't or may have realised then ignored it.

You could call it "High-School" issues all over again. This time in a very bland exercise of hurt people and i the instigator of the pain.

what could be extremely surprising right now is finding out that is all nothing but useless and miserable "wild goose chases" in my imagination. Funny, how i seem to be annoyed at this.

a whole article seemingly dedicated to the question:

"Now someone please tell me what is going on?!"

I don't even seem to want to proof read this, well I'll probably read it once i click "Publish Post"


Half a Fortnight

No more random titles guys.
I'm cutting it short.
I find it extremely annoying explaining sometimes.

Saturday, 9 August 2008

The End

I think im forced to cut the period of using girl's names as blog titles, since various speculations have risen up. To answer what you all are thinking of, "what you're thinking off isn't true hahaha". I'm going back to random titles for my blog.

* * *

It's been a normal weekend i guess... I went to Jackie's bday party yesterday.
It seemed alright there seemed one rule in play however.

"if you don't dance, you don't eat" hahahaha

* * *

I feel like a really boring person today, there's nothing much on my mind.
Just had a phonecall with nainai I seemed to have bored her for the first time. Crappers. I suck haha. I'm sorry for boring you ><. She was getting herself done i presume, i wonder when she's gonna come back.

* * *

I'll probably sleepover at habeel's this week. Better enjoy my holidays.

Crappers. Imma go read. Be back later.

Thursday, 7 August 2008

I forgot to post this...

that is one weird tomato... its got like something sticking out of it.

haha lol
when i saw that i was like "that's going into my blog!"

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Zarina Unknowingly Attempts to Tempt

listening to: the airconditioning and the keyboard

keii... i thought i told myself not write this down but i had too.
I'll leave it in my drafts first. Nainai won't be pleased reading this, i seemed to be settled now. Should i still write this? keii i will.
it hurts like crap.
imagine you get told firsthand information about what happened on that night, it cuts, what did i do to deserve it? Well I guess it really is my fault...
i don't want to rant on my blog bt i feel like i have too right now... coz it really hurts. I know i should forget about her, well the pain feels gone and thought i am one extremely sore loser it goes... it's been a couple of days since we talked about it.
I know i don't have a chance with her anymore, there's this one side of me that hopes for her to come back to me, it hurts, its pathetic since i have nothing to cling on to. I know that she knows what I'm feeling trying to reduce the heartache by calling me bestfriend and by saying she loves me back. But not in the way i hoped that she would love me back, on the other hand its her tool of telling me in her kindest way that we can never be together, that i've spoilt everything. My chances, my oppurtunities... everything. It's all gone.
Maybe I hope that one day she'll come back to me, like what i always hoped. That one day we were the one's meant to be for each other. But is that all a distant reality that is not this one's?
The pain is there its not throbbing right now but seeing her face sometimes makes it throb reopening the wounds that were kept sealed up. It's been one week, but i've hoped for more than that. Maybe i have to get over but i don't want to, i'm stubborn. I've always had the will power to get ove other girls but why don't i want to give up with her?
Did my shallowness really caused this much destrution in my life right now? That I've lost a girl that I really liked... maybe I did fall in love this time around. Maybe I did but I don't really know, do i really understand love?
She gave me a little hope in our talk last week, i told her lets just be friends and not rush anything... but i knew there was no "anything", the only thing there is, is 'nothing'. I told her we'll return to our normal relationship the one we had before bestfriends, but what happened these past two months?
Is there a lesson apart from that my shallowness is really stupid?
Hwat happened during the time she was mad at me? Where ther any influences? Where there any backstabbers? I don't know even if my question will ever be answered.
I thought that i did have a chance.
Maybe I did love you. Maybe I did love you alot.
Maybe i was just plain stupid to realize that, i know there's many guys after you... but how ome a month or two before this i felt like it was still mutual. It really is my fault isn't it?
first i fell for you again maybe because of shallow reasons, then i really fell for you. But when i did fall for you there was love but that love was all painful. Extremely painful. It's hard to wake up when your first thought of the day was why did she do that with him?
My fault i know.. all mine.

I am such a shallow person right?

That's why i didn't have the balls to ask you out, I was probably scared of what my friends would think. Scared of other people's opinions, when my friend told me some crap that he didn't care, i was okay with the fact.

I'm really really ashamed right now. I've just eaten my pride writing this all down

Ashamed that I let other people dictate my life. I do want you back, but maybe not now maybe next time... if there is one.

Or maybe in the end we are not really meant to be.

Did i tell ou of the times when i jokingly asked you out i was half serious, or the times you talked about other guys i was a bit jealous or maybe more jealous?

well i guess its too late to say that. would have made a greatidealistic soap but this is the truth and it hurts.

i feel calmed right now. I'm suddenly worried that what i wrote right now was useless just probably plain rhetoric but i know there were feelings in this... real ones. I need to stop now.

maybe we should just keep it this way.

but if you one day come back, and im still waiting. we'll start anew and i promise i'll do my very best not to hurt you. I'll take care of you. I really will.

One thing i have to admit however.

I think i did reallly... love you.

Monday, 4 August 2008

"Haya Siberian Huskies are nice!"

My brand, a few days after the branding. Ouchie... hahaha XD

There I've been wanting to post this for some time...
Unfortunately it doesnt look like that anymore... its healed,
unfortunate? hahahaha well not really healed as its still there but it doesn't lok this grave anymore.
Well the story is quite simple I should say, one day Habeel had this 'magnificent' idea (sarcasm intended) of branding all of us with the same mark. More like getting ourselves branded with the same mark. So one day when I had my science IGCSEs to do - Majid, Paolo, Nial & Habeel found it very friendly to do the branding without me.
Hesitant at first i didn't want to do it, in fear of my parent's violent reactions. As peer-pressure might have it Majid got annoyed and told me to do it, so when all my tests were done we went straight to Habeel's and i got myself branded. the thing was i felt the brotherhood significance of it lost, when Habeel agreed to brand Hanan on her lower back. Nasty.
It didn't hurt actually, the spot was cleaned with alcohol, pendant heated to a high temperature and then applied to your skin, after an extremely short period of time. Presto, you're a human cow. it does sting i must warn you - don't try it is my advice - and if you were to flinch you'd get everything messed up. The pain is temporary since the pendant isn't left there for a long time - maybe around 2 seconds.
After mine, Hanan got hers done on her lower back. As predicted by all of us, she started screaming in false fear. Then with the proud boast "it doesn't hurt. that was it?" haha i still have it on my fone.

Oh well that's one piece of stupidity you shouldn't try!

hahaz it does look nice however and there's the brotherhood involved so... i guess...

oh well's your choice in the end.

* * *

I think this is the last of my pathetic hour haha.
Where is Saosie? She seems to be the pnly one around at this time. Now I don't have anyone to talk to >..<

* * *

Nainai is going to get a call later on today. If she's getting the job - wootwoot for her. Im trying to tell my mom to pull her strings and try to get me one. It's so hard to get a summerjob here in Bahrain sometimes. It's that i don't like bumming around and waiting for college to come right around the corner, i need to do something productive. Either a job or a class, or maybe if i get a job i can support myself to take classes somewhere, i don't really enjoy being a pain to people even my own parents. Let's just pray i get that job.
Well back to Nainai well she'll be working six days a week and its 8 hours I prolly won't have time to talk to her as much as before... crappers. I'm gonna miss her hahas - we have become the closest things in the island lately.

* * *

I wrote a separate entry before this but i'm not going to post it for personal reasons. I will post it maybe in the ever so near future.

I found comments on my blog and I didn't notice so i had to make a replies haha seems to be 2 weeks late by the looks of it. oh well it's truly the thoguht that counts.

I convinced Sophie to make a blog of her own, she's still new so i guess she has to get used to it. Her link is somewhere to the right over there. I don't think I'll have any time to read its 3 minutes till 2am. I'm not ready to sleep yet. Not really in the mood to, there seems to be a good movie on, but I've missed a good hour of it already. I'll probably catch up on my reading in the morning. Waking up at 9am and getting yourself fixed up seems like a good exercise for me. Early rising is a good habit, but I do sleep in on Saturdays. Oh well's the entry is getting really long now I'll cut it short.

I'll probably either log off now or upload pics. Oh well, until later then.


Sunday, 3 August 2008

Rehanna Likes Shawarma!

listening to: Yahhh - Soulja Boi (however u spell that)
now listening to: Fully Alive - Flyleaf


u suck hahahaha yeah... use my advice against me...!

Why don't you?! hahaz

Don't think too much kkz?

Sleeping huh? Liar!
"Yeash 'nainai' is sleeping but don't disturb her im talking to her right now"
wuv u *nuggles* hahahah



Dominique's Grip on my Reality

listening to: Pop, Lock and Drop It (remix) - Huey feat. Bow Wow and T-Pain?

It's amazing what music does to your mood. Highly remarkable.

Well today has it ups and downs, let's say my lil personal problem has left me emotionally messed up. There are things that i want to write down but have no more meaning right now so i abstain from writing them now. Probably later, some other time when i consider this week's event when I wan to reflect, not to mention its terribly embarassing in some way.

One thing I will admit, finally after so long, Renz has finally experienced heartbreak hahaha (and the girl's go wild!). Yeah, it hurts - wow - really does haha. Oh well, I've decided: I'm letting you go, if circumstances arise and I'm sincerely deserving you'll come back.

And yes with every problem there's a lesson... I've listd those down whilst talking to 'nainai' - it just seemed like the first three were simlar with the last one hahaha. It's my fault anyway, I deserved it. I deserved it all, but I can't dwell on it for the rest of my life can I? hahaha

I haven't turned emo hahahaz don't worry ppl.

I have to let go... I'm quite happy right now. More glad. The thoughts I had were harsh and they hurt - I'm letting go.

* * *

I've let insecurities rule me today, I've been thinking about too many things. You won't imagine.

Yeash 'nainai' has date tomorrow and I've got my eyes on that as well. Can't help it hahaha.

* * *

Debt of Honour is nearing its middle... I tend to eat the books nowadays. Well I don't want to be part of that common speedreader joke by someone, who was it again?

--> "I've read 'War and Peace" in ten minutes... it was about Russia"

Hahaha... I don't know if you get the joke but its a common one.

* * *

'nainai' seems worried... *sigh* I'll talk to her in a bit.

Amira is problematic as well, I think I've hurt today I'll see what's wrong tomorrow.

Hahahah these ppl are worrying me.

* * *

Due to transport problems I haven't being going out lately... probably this August I'll make up for it. I'm looking forward to Grace's Birthday bash... woohoo

Hahaha I've just stopped being pathetic... I'm back to normal again and newly improved too hahahaz.

My insecurities and slight jealousies are making me improve my stuff. But envy is wrong I know better...

I better watch myself.

* * *

A whole entry with in-ear headphones on. Hmmm... was anything wrong up there? Oh wells...


Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Elleonore's Last Serenade

listening to: Stacey's Mom - Fountains of Wayne

hmm im thinking of blog titles rite now - notice all the titles are random - and i've decided that for a a period of time starting today i'll name them after girls who were memorable to me. hahaha.
(crappers this is gonna be a long period of time using only girl's names hahhaha)

its a typical day...
haha ... read... eat... lil workout

i got up late today. stupid blanket scared the crap out of me. since its summer i opted for a lighter blanket and it seems to be made of synthetics. as a result static enrgy buildup seems inevitable. thus when the lights are out and i run my hand across the blanket sparks seem to be produced and when its dark. u have a feeling that ure messing with elctricity.
A lil scary wen the opnly light usee is electrical sparks... from ure own blanket.

I wonder since "fart" hahah contains methane. could it be lit up with a spark? so if i happen to accidently fart and a spark generated by my hand combines. Would i like be burnt in my sleep coz of static energy and fart?


i was thinking of starting another blog dedicated to chicks i previously liked hahahah

prolly too invasive for me.


They've Fallen and They Can't Get Up!

I just saw my painting haha, for a splitsecond i was like woah... "what's that?!" and i stared then i remembered it was my painting. Iwas quite shocked it looked so good.

My second birthday gift from nainai!

Meh love u nainai! It's beautiful.

As usual being nainai's critic sometimes...
my cynical side hit in... but this time...
its actually really good, the colours all blend in, not to mention it feels so abstract in a weird sort of way. The woman was just there, she seemed to be one with the background but not a part of it. It really caught my attention.
It is truly maybe one her best pieces and the best thing is...
its mine mwahahaha


I'm getting it this Thursday at Shan's party...

funny, i thought those guys hated my guts. Oh well i guess its time for peace haha and i do provoke them sometimes. (Well most of the time xD). It's also Shan's bday so i have to be on my best behaviour. haha. Better watch Naj don't get too much booze in her system... >.<

I keep looking at it now... awesome haha.

Can't wait to get it... and i'm sure i'll get it framed

Gah i keep on complimenting now it sounds like I'm lying haha

Uhmm... ill prolly hop over Kris' house tomorrow and have a talk with (Te) Tihne i wonder why i call her older sister lol. Probably play some ps2 as well haha with Kristel hahah yeah I'm starting to be a kid agen haha...

I'm cheerful.

I had a chat with Sarah too, we talked about things and her guitar haha..
Zoey rang up... was prolly boring her she seemed like she was fighting with her refrigerator.

Oh well so ends a tiring day hahaha... i hope i don't vacuum tomorrow *-* NOooessz!


Monday, 28 July 2008

Fistfuls of Hope

Second entry of the day...

Amira is a pessimist

(according to her)

From a Distant Oblivion She Steps In

listening to: the television

I woke up at 8.15am and told myself ive got 45 minutes to burn til i really get up. I got up at 9.30ish. Well its a change from the usual, i just realised how nice it is to loaf around in bed. Just buried in deep slumber, sleeping to your heart's content.

I need to finish these books... got pages to burn... then 3 more to go until i return them.

I was up till 3am today, waiting for something, looping Palchelbel's Canon on my phone felt so soothing haha i regret saying that it was boring. Anyways i heard somewhere that a minute of relaxation is equal to ten minutes sleep. I couldn't relax that much my head tried to buzz with thoughts. At least i felt calmness before i slept.

Crappers i feel like a cup of coffee...

Amira seems cheerful as usual... talking to her right now. for a girl hu's been thru alot she's fought through so well.

Naj seems depressed about something. I've slowly run out of options, talking to her doesn't seem to work, but i guess pulling back a little and giving her time and space will work out just fine. I hope it does. I really want to help but talking to her will just reopen the wounds she tried to seal up. If i do talk to her it wouldn't be online, i guess these things shouldn't be tackled online.

I care alot about her - and i mean alot - and if she's depressed it troubles me greatly.

I'm really concerned.

I'm going to vacuum the house in a bit, probably get a bite or not >.<

"It's not my job to be concerned, nor is it my duty... but I am coz its love", Reniel Tengco

Friday, 25 July 2008

Holes in Her Plastic

Annoying day all i got was an all day lecture from my dearest Mother...

Talking to Sophie...

I didn't do anything the whole day except play useless minigames online. Well whilst i was at it, came the usual routine of talking to naj for over 10 hours haha. Since we're both constantly online and we don't get bored of each other. Messed up! >.<>.<> are they aimed at me?
We still haven't talked yet. *sigh*

--> Momma venting agen... crappers
It's getting really annoying now <--

I felt emo during the evening haha i remembered her, soon forgot too lol. Haha i think im finally over it...

chords for "Wake Me Up When September Ends" sounds good on the piano i should say... I ended up playing it more than 3 times i think.

Nope i still haven't completed "Fur Elise" yet... I've got the scores on pdf somewhere here but the printer ain't working. *sighs*

I'm still thinking was my decision when i was younger to take beginner piano lessons instead of guitar a good choice or not? Oh well... live a life of no regrets.

I did weights 4 hours ago. I wrecked something whilst doing an exercise damned glass broke.

okies i think i'll try to channel my anger today into something productive haha... (uhmm is trying to wreck a walll with my fists productive? LOL?)

My blog sounds immature... this feels like a random post.

okies signing out...

funny thing. i don't really like anyone at the moment haha there are some chicks in mind but nvm!



Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Paper Quadrats

listening to: Sultans of Swing - Dire Straits

Got up ten-thirtyish... fixed the bed and read a couple pages. As the habit goes turn on the PC and log in my IM programs. Tried to download this song in the Filipino remake version, but all i got was a bunch of wannabes singing and acting all gangsta and crap. Crap. Get a life! I wonder when the real version is gonna be up for downloads.

Last night i head the song and it reminded me of her, coz she used to like the english version. I was gonna try and dab what i felt out by writing a song bout her, though the moment was good, it didn't really appeal to me at that moment. So i just read, i did write something about her somewhere here. Crap. All the stuff i used to write, all gone now. I used to do it all the timeduring early highschool - half fed by feelings the other half by our devotion to hiphop LOL!

listening to: Check My Swag - Chingy

Reminds me, looking back, we as a group laugh at how we used to be, though we really don't insult our musical influences. it seemed funny that we were so into it hahaha... ignoring every kind and any kind of alter genre. We used to speak in "yo!"s and "@$#%^&!"s all the time. Crap i remember my baggy shirts, bandanas, du-rags, and caps. Hey w8, i don't mean we used to wear those individually, it was more... walking round in - spaceshoes, megabaggy trousers, bigass shirts, bracelets, couple of chains, durag, cap, bandana... even elctrical tape across our faces! sometimes (to imit8 Nelly lol).

LOL haha im actually listening to hiphop now.

listening to: Missing Ur Bounce - DJ Manny

We're over that phase haha thankfully at least we appreciate all forms of music now, but sometimes you find those highschool phases amusing. I mean we sort of took it over the top, bustin' our rhymes, carrying our knives which inevitably got confiscated by the teachers haha well i didnt carry one haha "safer" lol XD
Don't get me wrong i still love hip-hop hahaha i just find the crap we did hilarious hahaha LOL!

listening to: Dangerous - Ying Yang Twins feat. Wyclef

Its taking me so long to write this I lost the mood already, Mom kept bothering me about IMing her sister-in-law every other sentence i wrote. I feel really put off now, gah everything feels dejointed now... >.<

This is really annoying now, i've spent like what? Half-an-hour on an entry.

Gah its okie Mom has important matters to discuss *innerself argues with this fact*

yeash it would rock if we both went to China haha but they don't trust us do they? especially me, hey come on i'm Renz, i won't like harm ure daughter would i? *winks* hahaha.... yeah i realised we sorta have our blogs connected in one way or the other. why don't we have one blog thats shared lol hahahha. yeash u get some stuff for ure head k?

listening to: With You - Chris Brown

Gah im forgetting this chick!

Monday, 21 July 2008

Animated Shadows

I just finshed "Without Remorse" - Tom Clancy, i read it so slowly haha i thnk i bored naj by making her wait for me lolz last nite. I'm done with it epilogue and all i kinda predicted what was gonna happen haha. The book's setting ended in the Philippines, well sorta like that.

I still havent bothered naj, read the blog entry... sure i'll come with you. Just as long as you're dad doesn't mind a guy in a hotel room with his daughter haha.

crap can't go to jam today again no transport, if only kevin lived next to me hahamyabe id get a free ride.

I'm starting "Debt of Honor" - Tom Clancy today - yeash im trying to finsh all his novels but the set i borrowed lacks one... "Executive Orders" well prolly ill get that book and keep it. Looks like a really good one anyways. So after "Debt of Honor" its "Red Rabbit" till i get "Executive Orders".

I'm feeling nerdy... hell i'll play the piano a bit later... haha... yeah i needs to clean some of my electronic devices too...

oh wellz

Saturday, 19 July 2008

Hyper Blue

Thanks guys for my Brithday greetings!

(note: the numbers don't mean anything i could have put my bestfriends last for all i cared. Rememebr the number u are in / have does not mean anything lol okay?)
  1. Mom
  2. Dad
  3. Jay C.
  4. Naj
  5. Kevin (first text)
  6. Adil
  7. Wafi
  8. Kristel (1 week nefore XD)
  9. Marvie (best message)
  10. Grandma
  11. AJ
  12. NJ
  13. Ate Sheryl
  14. Ate Sherkristine
  15. Tita Lourdess
  16. Tito Glenn
  17. Tita Alice
  18. Tito Nilo
  19. Tita Melda
  20. Tita Lina
  21. Paolo (first phonecall)
  22. Habeel
  23. Grace
  24. Racha
  25. Ahmed S.
  26. Haya
  27. Sarah (my wifey hahaha)
  28. Sarah Al-Hajeb
  29. Taha
  30. Dana Al-Salem
  31. MJB (Mary J.)
  32. Fai
  33. Hadeel
  34. Ahmed Isa
  35. Ahmed Buheijji
  36. Abdulla Ghurair (hu ever he is)
  37. Jonathan M.
  38. Kristine O.
  39. Nikki
  40. Rehanna
  41. Genevive
  42. Jhaynine
  43. Khurram
  44. Rodnie
  45. Eunicelle
  46. Kuya Larj
  47. Jayson
  48. Michael
  49. Abby (9 minutes late)
  50. Lezlie
  51. Frances
  52. Sunshine
  53. Juztine
  54. Zoey
  55. Sophie
  56. Bonn (2nd giftie)
  57. Karla
  58. Tazzy
  59. Sa'ati
  60. Miriam
  61. Mahdi
  62. Kristine St. Ana
  63. Kristel St. Ana
  64. Nada
  65. Phil. Daniel
  66. Marikit
  67. Princess
  68. Mariel
  69. Jay M.
  70. Nadine
  71. MJ
  72. Taj
  73. Tita Bing
  74. Tita Mylene
  75. Uncle Pradeep
  76. Hanan
  77. Saosie
  78. Shan Yan
  79. Robbie
  80. Maurie (did she?)
  81. Noel (did he?)
  82. Nial (through Paolo I think)
  83. Majid (same with Nial)
  84. Khalid (Kal)
  85. Amira (i remembered whilst writing the PS note hhaha)
  86. Salma


P.S. Special Note: If i have forgotten anybody I am super sorry... i feel like i did.
GAH hu else? IM, Email, Comment of FS or FB, Comment here so i can add your name

To the unknownz

Thank You!

Thank You Jesus for another year.
Love You Guys!


Thursday, 17 July 2008

Lycopene is an Anti-Oxidant!

Gah its my birthday today haha!!!

thats a happy gah if there is one haha

well the first hour of my bday was sad mom made me feel bad haha but we made peace... its so nice being a new age agen.

Ill just forget wat happened and when i wake up remnants of the sadness will surely be gone haha...

im trying to ignore the evnt though me and my mom are at peace now, hahaha still stings a bit but it was trivial. Ill forget about it. GAH just forget about it Renz!

yay!!! Thank You Lord for giving me another year in my life hopefully this year i'd do soething more productive for You Lord and for everyone haha.

its 1.23 am

gonna prolly get up at 10ish haha

we gonna hang later then get home to rentz haha

i'm gonna enjoy this day haha

najnaj! u enjoy ure day too haha! lol

maybe tomorrow ill make a list of thank yous if i remember haha lol

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Hydrogen Bonds

I'm really annoyed right now.

If my dad wants to continue acting like this. I don't care anymore.
This house feels unhappy. It is unhappy, the constant screaming and fights, lack of understanding between all of us. I get along with them but sometimes they don't get along with each other, and sometimes we all don't get along with each other. I can see no respect seomtimes.

One painful thing: its my birthday tomorrow.

I wake up... after 5 mins or less someone is venting at me. What was it today? Waterheater?

Coming back home all i can see is anger next to me, in the driver's seat.

Sometimes u really get sick of it.

I don't want to go to any details,

I'm really sick of it.

Somehow writing this makes me feel guilty.

If only the world was a simple place maybe they could just make peace. But its not.

Maybe if anger could be held, and less words said. This won't happen. What a childish thought! It won't.

Prolly if i just ignore it maybe it will help things, coz understanding is not working anymore. Good thing i'm somewhat nonchalant about it. I've already gone through this last time. I'll go through it again. I'm quite emotionally stable, i hope it retains.

i don't want to write anymore. that'll be all for now. i'll get back to reading, it's still early.

God will help me.

Gah im becoming emo. Nooooooooo! haha

>_< buzz or nudge if ure ol

Saturday, 12 July 2008


uhmm Church today.

i think Naj is finally okay. Gah how much i care nowadays haha.

* * *

I didn't go shopping with the rest decided on going home after Youth Class, we went to Bahrain Mall, was with my rents. There were a couple of chicks here and there, i was surprised to get home and find Zoey telling me that her friend saw me hahaha. Wow seemed like everyone knew where i was. There was this hot German chick next to the apples and i kinda messed up, coz mom was dropping apples into the bag i was holding and i bloody dropped the bag. I had in-ear earphones on and my mom screamed at me and i couldn't hear her, and the chick just stared with her mom apparently, hilarious... haha.

* * *

i kinda think my blog is full of crap nowadays. I just write whatever comes into mind, and i find it rather annoying. I kinda expect everything i write to be something of "literary art" even though i know it isnt mostly. at least i've got one way of ending my day haha.

* * *

I've been doing nothing productive. Self motivation is coming rather hard when all you want to do is stay in bed and sleep. It's rather annoying - i've got so much time in my hands for me to spend. I have to spend it haha but i'm not spending it wisely. I want to go back to learning the piano but i feel really impatient plus my printer is disobedient xD doesnt want to print --> thus i can't print out the pdf music sheets i have. I play mostly chords now, it sometimes feels dull.

* * *

Everyone found out about my lil secret haha so i guess its not a secret anymore.

* * *

You wanted to know. I felt mad at him - enraged that he had to make u feel that way. If you didn't love him it isn't your fault and i felt like he was making u feel guilt. if he's changed because of you. That's his own problem to fix... not yours. Even though you might have caused him to become what he is now. Don't blame yourself for his soreness and biterness, he isn't being a man towards u if he's acting like that. he should learn to accept the fact that you don't love him or see him that way. if he's mad about it he has no right to make you feel shamed and down just so he can have a lil revenge. You not loving him back is besides the point of him being selfish towards you. You not loving him back is besides the point of him being rude towards you. You not loving him back is besides the point of him of him being a total jerk...

don't let your precious tears fall for issues like this, it isn't worth it.

it was never your fault...

You were true to yourself.

Friday, 11 July 2008

Into the Layers of Glass



too much caffeine in my system

i slept at i think 5... inet.. book... PSP

haha then thoughts... kept me awake for about an hour until saw sunlight through the curtains... zzz

i got up, switched off the alarm and dozed off i dint even know it was my fone's alarm... paolo woke me up finally at 12ish, i thought it was still an alarm but then it turned out to be a call and i was like "hello!!!" haha messed up *thanks mom for pointing out that i had a call haha*

got lunch, shower.. went to Paolo's... xbox, ps2, beat up Nasser, met up with Habeel, Nial and Majid came, went to Seef... (saw this Korean chick hmm if only nvm too late for that haha prolly older than me as well) left early ran some errands for my Mom.

* * *

I feel bad. Because she feels bad.
He made her feel bad. Although im not really blaming anyone (i feel like i am), i still think that she shouldn't feel that way. She doesn't deserve it. I feel confused as well.

She shouldn't keep it in. It's not healthy, in time it might destroy her. I'm really scared of that. she's become really special to me. She should let it out one day, all that pain and grief that she's keeping inside, one day she needs to tell herself to break that dam. It's been awfully dry on one side for far too long and a few bursts of water every now and then will never remove the dryness.

It's always what a person should or shouldn't do, empathy? do i still have that? i think i do. But it's becoming really harsh for her. She doesn't need or deserve this.

* * *

At least Sao cheered me up tonight. I wasn't really sad, more like annoyed... I've been having a good day and then this happens. I'll be there for her.

I've got other things in my mind too. I want to wriye more but its 3am i should call it a day.

God loves you Naj


Tuesday, 8 July 2008

Cotton Shrapnel

I was kidding haha i dint steal the photos.

Monday, 7 July 2008

Corrugated Plastic

we broke up today... (i seem amused) haha another to add to the list... how long did our relationship last?

a rather short period of time

another fling ends... haha

* * *

I did nothing today. Shoulders and triceps hurt from yesterday. I wonder if i ate a banana now and then, the potassium will help solve the cramps. My friend takes creatine but he's really i to this crap... haha. Maybe next year when i do get a gym membership i'll consider protein shakes haha. but im not planning to overdo working out xD. I need a new set of dumbells... *thinks*
Gyms are too far from my place.

* * *

i've got stuff in my mind...

well im pretty much done with today at the PC...
ill plug my psp (i wanna play SOCOM! lol) and phone and its off to do some reading...

Striped Socks

listening to: a commercial on cooking

ahh 2 years ago i think this was the day we were supposed to go to the psb prom haha it was raining that day so since Bahrain seems a desert we seem to get carried away...

We bring new meaning to pimping, wen we have our class pimped out too. Check out our fishtank... courtesy of Ahmed B. and Khalid
(Ahmed B. caught in the pic xD)

after the prom we went to school tired those guys from dat school get a holiday we don't. AnAccounting class seems like it wasn't only the three of us who were tired Grace and Racha seem wasted. Aww Sara always smiling...

as i sed earlier Bahrain is a desert island. So look what happens wen we experience a light shower. from the left... Hadeel, Noura, Fai, Paolo, Sara, Racha, Grace, Hanan, Haya, Me, Ahmed Isa, Habeel, Rami, Ahmed B.

Paolo thought he could fool everybody with his house of cards but look closely at the picture.

I MISS THOSE DAYS HAHA (Racha took the pic in this one) OH THE MEMORIES!!!

Translucent Screens

listening to: the airconditioning, and the tapping of my fingers on the keyboard

My neck hurts. I was playing SOCOM on my PSP. Good game, il prolly get it next week or so. It was so-so today nothing much happened. Im in a "fling" haha but nothing seems to have changed, i wonder hu's gonna dump hu? I'm having a problem with the italics right now. They keep coming when I don't want them to come.

after writing this ill probably make myself a list of what to do, everyday for the whole time im off school. it's going to be a long list. i hope i do everything that i put down.

i'm a bit worried on the layoff i have; since the British system and the American system don't finish at the same time. i found myself finishing "so-called" highschool, at the same time that college in Philippines has already started. It's a bit annoying now coz i don't think they'll let me catch up on a second semester. Thus, i have to wait till the next school year. Now that's what i don't like. Coz prolly the next college year back in the Philly willl start on March 2009. That's about 8 months in hibernation mode. I don't like the looks of it, i wanna go do someting constructive, but if i go back to the same school and continue with my a-levels, il have to pull out early not to mention costs and things of starting something u won't finish. I don't really think there are good British Schools in the Philippines since if there were any good popular ones i'd probably known them by now.

i have two more options:
  1. opting for a scholarship in the States but thats going to be extremly difficult to set up, but i really wouldn't mind the hassle if i end up in an Ivy-League institution. there's just depression to combat, id be extremely bummed out, depressed. i can predict it, missing my family and my friends.
  2. staying here in Bahrain. Cons: education is not of the highest quality here in Bahrain and it is rather costly, i still wouldn't mind since i won't be leaving anyone behind. I'll be with my family and friends. I'l probably do International Arts/Studies or Business Informatics - (but I'll be missing out on the various course opportunities in the Philly)

* * *

i'm really worried about my marks that are going to come in, i could have done better in all my subjects. there's the retake option but i don't want to opt for that. i really worked on my business studies so im expecting something out of that. The science fiasco is what's troubling me quite a bit. i didn't work up to my own expectations! i asked if i could be withdrawn (coz i didn't feel ready) and have my exam scheduled on the november dates, then the day of the test came... i - since knowing that i was withdrawn from the sciences - considered science out my revision list. i got a phone call that morning saying that i have to come to school to do the test. i didnt even study properly for that knowing that i had been allowed to have it on the november dates. so i did it anyways. its okay though i didn't pay for it hahaha.

I feel a bit wasted. i want to do something productive. i'm trying the piano agen but my fur elise hasnt even reached the middle yet, im trying to polish myself up as u myt say. i feel like i need to do something to sharpen my mind, i wanna go to school agen. last school year's work ethic among our class was almost nil. really troubling. those days i didn't think class felt like class sometimes.

i'm going to start on that list now. w8 lemme proofread this. *reads*

there done no more typos... i hope i go to jam tomorrow i mean later its 1 now haha...

so now i start my list... let's see... finish these books... *voice trails away* haha

Sunday, 6 July 2008

Is it aluminium?

HAHA im in a good mood... that's it imma copy naj hha

listening to: Feel Good Inc - Gorrilaz

im glad its fixed.

"did i do anything wrong?"
"did i do anything right?"
"i don't know"

is it gonna come back to normal?

looking back,
I can't believe something so trivial escalated. Do i regret what i wrote? i don't really think so coz if i did i wouldn't be true to what i said. i might think that some of the anger was stupid but was it?

* * *

an experimental teenager... wanting to try everything he finally has regrets losing her but now he doesnt know if he can do anything to get her back. but does he want her back? constant doubts flooded his mind... thinking, observing... in the distance.
they told him to try and get over but he kept a small watch.

wen he dint want to get over, he did.
wen he did, he didn't want to.

pretty messed up.

Friday, 4 July 2008

Psychedelic White Shadows


Plain stupid.

Now i get what happens when false assumptions supported by a deficiency in evidence causes. I've about had it now. Paranoia. Stupid paranoia.

I really don't care. I've spent 4 years trying to prove myself to the world and i don't need your opinion. I'm not your enemy but how did you become mine?

Did all of you bother loooking at the other side? No.

You don't know what happened.

I don't want to fight anymore but if you have something against me rub it in my face. I'll be thankful.



It's up to you. If you didn't bother before.
Why bother now?

Patch things up?

You don't know.

Thursday, 3 July 2008

Sautee w/o the accent

i woke up late today... *sigh* was talking to Sao and Wafi till 3am... well wafi was useless to talk to... playing mgs the whole time... i think we're wasting our lives haha... but a week of slumber, loafing and relaxation won't kill you right?

i hope we watch that robot movie on saturday haha i was really looking forward to it for like a month now...

yesterday was kinda crappy for me, yes we both succesfully completed the 13 hour marathon without getting bored of each other. (yes i dint get bored of you haaha) well i felt bad during the middle of the conversation wen i gave her a lecture, and i felt worse wen i found out i made her cry. i didn't mean to break her dam down but i just happened to. maybe it was meant to happen, but that thought just makes me feel worse. she has depression and i cant help her. i guess the only thing i can do is be there for her. (yeash im here haha)

agenda today?

prollylunch in a while... weights, crunches, internet... the usual stuff

Church tomorrow, and then Saturday

really anxious...