Monday, 30 June 2008

Tissue

its been a rollercoaster dis week...

for the first time in a long time ive shown weakness again... half of me is disgraced but the other half happy since its all out now. there is nothing left to hide... a wave of relief has swept over me now that it's all gone. Thank God.

but there's one more thing that's not done yet... it still bothers me a bit but it's gonna be over. i just wish not the hard way but it'l be over... soon renz... soon

i dont seem to understand wat happened... but stuff will get fixed (hopefully)
prolly she thinks that i planned that fiasco three weeks back...
i wasnt to blame for that, those two planned the whole thing under my nose without my prior knowledge... i dint really think that was rite for them two to do, as now the consequences of their actions have taken an uglier form than i could have ever imagined. im not really playing the blame game but i think that i ought to have known they were planning that stupid event. its rather senseless too, going and planning it, since i've known her longer and i could have fixed things, or better yet prevented certain crap happening. but that's all passed now...

there's this other thing she's on about: me stealing her bestfriend away from her.
for that i have no answer...

ive grown egotistical? appears so... but im getting older it seems to grow as well but its something i have to look into.


just wait renz it'll all be over next week...

i also feel ashamed for snapping in front of naj - she doesn't mind though but i care a bit.
as well as beiong to slow to do that thing earlier that day that'sn the worst hit *hitshead*


crap too much drama.... hahaha

well that's the way it is... ill prolly go buy stuff laters and get some shoes...
habeel and paolo nicknamed my shoes: megatron HAHAHA
they sed all my shoes lack are afterburners and lights that flash wen i walk.

coz i also wear bbol shoes, well they suit me but yeash i have to get meself sumthing more comfy...

i made enemies this weekend. but ill have to face them soon.

Monday, 16 June 2008

LOL

this is it... i want this to end now...

the lingering thoughts r bothering me so much i don't want you to know about it, but it just comes to me now.. i just want to let this all out.. this is such a swallowing of my pride... i hate it... i just don't work this way... this sucks so much coz im stuck in a messed up situation... i don't want this but another part of me wants it... but i know it's just a small part...

it creeps up and then attacks me, like ants in search of food... little by little first seeming harmless until it comes in swarms... im not destroyed... im not messed up... but this is really bumming me out. i can't recall events anymore its just a muddle now, a once, clean drop of ink thats diffused into water, but i don't think there was a beginning but i can make this end... but how come somehow i don't want it to end...? i feel like holding on... but i don't want to.

the feeling is sickening now i'm somewhat ashamed of myself but i want to let go just let it all loose... its trapped there and it wants to break free... its looking for an opening and i run to what? an internet blog... how nice renz... very nice...

but im not crushed... im not in my dumps...

im actually smiling... im actually enjoyin my life

i just want this irony to end...

Saturday, 14 June 2008

Photogenic

this sucks...
hmm do i have to update all of these social networking sites that im a member of...? oh well better get rid of the ones i don't use.. and just leave my FB and Friendster for my Fili frenz... its useless and pointless... what is the point of having a social profile anyway? waste of time.

good but not so gr8 day today...
youth outing organized by the Church... went to the cinema.. movie was good, special effects realistic... but as Cye pointed out after the movie they missed a book or two in the making of Narnia... oh well the better since its easier to understand the story this way... it was Kevz bday... the guy needs a license hehehe... yeah was paid for the whole time... the tickets wee free and since it was Kevz beday he paid for the food...

it just sucks now coz my bday is coming soon and they're expectant... oh well lol

fought with my mom whilst on the way to seef hmm had to apologize and all wen i got home... its been a long dragging week for me...

i've been disgregarding so many things this week, my relationships with family and the most painful of all... God. Ate Steph brought me to a realization. i have to stay back on track. thank You Lord for second chances.

Thursday, 12 June 2008

Brigade & Ironman

hehe weird title again

my ym is list is half empty... well they're half from that school hehe so they have this thingy there in Muha. Club (i live 30 mins jog away hehe) nope i do not feel like jogging there...
Independence Day celebrations again lol... (wait isnt it Russia's one as well?)

hmm i found out that Majid has the same prob as me now, the "gum in our shoes" one, oh well it'll pass for both of us...

nuthin to do again 4 me sux a bit...

on sunday i hope i get myself into an exercise scheme again... i need it... but ive got probz with that pretty irritating... thing is im not sure which to take and i still need to get new weights and stuff... and i still need to know about the correctness of the stuff im doing...

ill sort it out...

hmm ill work on stamina as well...

i think that's it... hehe okie tomorrow again

Monday, 9 June 2008

Socks

hehehe
knew it they don't believe me and the more i mention it the more they'll think the otherwise hehe.

the thing, is like my gum on my shoe now, just gotta get rid of it.

neweiz enough of that...

My friend has probz and i know i can't really help, i feel like i haven't got hands... kinda sucks but there's nothing more i can do. Is there? But i don't want to make it worse. I guess we'l talk about it sometime.

xD

looking at the Gungrave trailer... i'm too old for this. hehe but i still haven even finished half of the other Naruto i have and im asking for bleach from Naj and Full Metal Alchemist + Gungrave for Wafi... crap i didnt put in the pictures for him ph well hehe i guess its too late now.

Nope im not a Narutard or an Anime freak i just watch it hehe.

My blog is starting to sound crappy hehe xD

crap its freezing in here...

Corned Beef

Thankiez that me dad is asleep...
What a day... *sigh* they fought again, just like kids when will they ever stop? Yes i do know that both of them make mistakes but can't they just sit down and talk about it.

seems so crappy...

Well i've told nial my side to get it off my system and he told me somthing else... it's kinda bothering me right now but i'm sure it will pass... i shouldn't hold on to anything. This wretched habit has been putting me into all sorts of issues... and i still haven't learnt anything out of it! But how can i? How can i stop going "how about if this happened?" and "how about if that?" all the time... it's part of my personality already. I don't like making mstakes and i always double check. Too cautious about things i suppose.

But the event next week is bothering me a bit and i know i should just get it over with... just let it rot.

i'm not really trying to think about it and im not talking about it that much, but i know ive already let it out...

i think this is the time.

day was okay today, was in Muharraq with Nial and Habeel, hu got into a fight after our game at m-tech but it sucks for both of them. oh well i'm sure habeel wouldn't kill nial xD. he's the group's baby-brother hehehe. Auntie Millie is mad at Nial for skipping too much school, and he's got SATs in two weeks... hmm i should have a chat wit him about that sometime.

AC delivery came late and mom was really pissed off , but now its really freezing cold im wearing socks. xD


on a lighter note...
i know hu those 'chicks' were wen i was at that Caribou coffee place, playing chess against Habeel... sheesh i guessed it might be her but lol real funny wasn't expecting that. xD
'chicks' hehe i wnder how she would react if she found out i called her that...xD

i guess i have to let my issues deal with themselves hehehe...
but contary to what people might think im not very affected... its more of like something in your throat that's gotta be rid of that's all.
and if they heard me say that they'd call me a hypocrite *chuckle* oh well xD

Oh well 2mrw again its late now...
posting.....

Creaking Chair and Annoying Keyboard

i don't know why, but everytime i try to write in my blog. i get conscious and feel that it's writing to impress or ... but this is not what a blog is about right...?

argh...

another annoying random thought...

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Chess

When i was a kid i liked chess but my dad continued beating me ever since, and i sorta dint play it anymore until like last week... hehehe got into it again. Pretty messed up, a couple of girls thought i was crazy oh well hehehe, not my problem. Was at that coffee place in seef this morning, rematching against Habeel, and a two cute chicks passed by (turn renz...) one was my type (hehehe). Didn't bother, bet they thought we were nuts.

yeah then chess again in YM with Naj (i say Nej it sounds better lol).

Didn't know the trip was today school shched is messed up... i'm done with the IGCSE's just waiting for the results (why do i still have to get to school).

Yesterday...
It was kinda messd up yesterday coming home from seef, yeah it was fun and we all enjoyed ourselves. I loved the credit cad incident with Nial, really slick man(hehehe). Was with the crew plus Grace. Yeah Nikz, Naj & Nada were there.

But there are a lot of things, in my mind connecting and disconnecting all at the same time. i don't want type the whole bloody thing down, scared it'll be too sensitive...

I don't wanna hurt anybody.

Too many people are involved.

But it's useless anyway.

"Me thinks Renz better screw it'