Monday, 16 June 2008

LOL

this is it... i want this to end now...

the lingering thoughts r bothering me so much i don't want you to know about it, but it just comes to me now.. i just want to let this all out.. this is such a swallowing of my pride... i hate it... i just don't work this way... this sucks so much coz im stuck in a messed up situation... i don't want this but another part of me wants it... but i know it's just a small part...

it creeps up and then attacks me, like ants in search of food... little by little first seeming harmless until it comes in swarms... im not destroyed... im not messed up... but this is really bumming me out. i can't recall events anymore its just a muddle now, a once, clean drop of ink thats diffused into water, but i don't think there was a beginning but i can make this end... but how come somehow i don't want it to end...? i feel like holding on... but i don't want to.

the feeling is sickening now i'm somewhat ashamed of myself but i want to let go just let it all loose... its trapped there and it wants to break free... its looking for an opening and i run to what? an internet blog... how nice renz... very nice...

but im not crushed... im not in my dumps...

im actually smiling... im actually enjoyin my life

i just want this irony to end...

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