Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Gi!

I got my Gi (Karate uniform) yesterday (it's 00.38 now so that's yesterday) and I can't wait till 19.00.

I've had another ego battle with Kevin today, he's learnt 5 Katas already - probably from Jay C. - that sucks. We have this thing of wanting to spar so badly, oh the male ego haha.

It's Katie's Birthday today I was reminded of it after I got an email from Friendster in my inbox saying that she updated her blog. After giving her a Birthday comment, I decided to visit the blog and have a look at the post that I was alerted on. It seems refreshing at times to read other people's blogs, especially hers. She's got a knack at writing I should say, really good insights on things and well developed posts. Plus all the colour and various other images keep you interested. Reminds me of Kal's posts in his blog though few, they seem to be of good quality. Makes me reflect on my own blog, sometimes you could treat blogging as writing practice. Trying to jot and type down instances in day-to-day life with insights into specific aspects of it.

My left eye feels funny, I've been suffering from eyestrain nowadays. When you've got nothing interesting to do except hang around online the whole day I think you'd suffer as well. Well I've got those classes to focus on now so I guess I'll be up to something useful instead of loafing around daily.

I'm actually rather annoyed right now. Someone here is bothering me. No it's not you, she's in the house haha. Crap how I lack patience, I'm going to quit swearing at all now.

I'm wondering if the Gi i got is rather big, I just hope it shrinks abit.

I'll be gone from the morning straight I have to got to the hospital with mother. (I just called her mother haha I'm sounding Victorian now O_O).

I think I'll leave the PC now my eye feels bad...

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Strawberry Milk

I was at Jay C's today, went to that karate class he goes to, I signed up today. Whilst dragging Kevin to signup too. It's my second week there, checking it out. I decided to join it, since i need something to do in my holidays, I'll probably concentrate on it alot. I need the discipline as well.
I start on Wednesday and I need to get the uniform tomorrow.

Kevin was hesistant at first since it might conflict with his Church scheds, well finally he asked for the form as well. Now i think i have to get him a uniform tomorrow as well...
That goes on to my things to do for tomorrow or later (its 2.18am now *sigh*).

I had an interesting day today, Kevin let me in a little secret he knew haha oh well bummer. I need to control myself. Seemed like we wasted the whole afternoon at Jay C's playing craphead and PS2.

Hopefully I get to advance quickly in Karate, it seems like fun and serious at the same time. My sort of thing. Dad was a blackbelt. It's something i want to do for myself. Can't wait. woohoo

Reminds me, piano lessons again *sigh* I'm considering them nowadays. I started Canon >< yea which Canon is it? haha.

I had some more realizations today oh well I guess I owe them a thought. Crappers it's late I need to get some rest.

Saturday, 23 August 2008

Jeans

Mood: Confused

Okay, I'm half naked, and I need a shower...

* * *

I've been a very pathetic person this week, I had nothing but problems going through my mind. Pretty annoying when people know you as "happy-go-lucky" and rather bubbly. Oh well, we all have our pathetic moments. Just seemed like my moment lasted for 1 week.

Excruciating.

Then I had to dip my nose in my friend's problem, well he told me to help so I did.

* * *

It feels like highschool all over again. This time new faces with new issues, and the sauce of it all: complications. Oh well. "Oh well" seems to be the only thing I can say right now.

I have a couple of tricky moves to make this week, they involve two talks with two different people. Oh well. Here we go again, I thought I left highschool business already haha.

Anyways, another hallmark to my life.

I need to talk to happy people. I've got people bringing me down right now haha

* * *


After the constant crap I got, I finally said goodbye to baggy jeans. Hahahaha.
Woohoo wait till they see me now

* * *

Nothing like good humour. Anyways I have more crap on my mind right now but I'm going to let it pass. I still have two talks to go before this thing is finally over. Well all is well I guess. I don't feel like writing about my problems right now.

anyways

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

God

Sometimes God uses the most painful things in our life to put us back on track, as Kevin would say "it puts us on track and other people as well". It's amazing soemtimes how we tend to forget him and prioritize other things, like your possesions, your heart, and other smaller things. But the thing is we often forget that sometimes its not always about us, or rather its supposed to be about Him.

Maybe this situation I got in brought me back to realize that someone much more powerful can control my life, though i already know that. Probably this time it put me on track and fixed my trust in Him. He's working now, weird. I know. We all know.

Through every problem that we've been battered with, sometimes i often wonder: we tend to forget God maybe until the peak. He was always there for us just to give all our problems and give him our loads, but we were too stubborn caught up with ourselves.

There's a greater hapiness out there that only he can give, an empty void part of us that longs to be filled. We just need to cry out His name and tell him to be in control. We all need that love that can't be found anywhere else, a love that made Him send His Son to die. It's so simple. Yet we are full of pride.

After what happened I thnk this time i really need to rely on God - fully rely on Him - I'm confused as well. Things are blurry, I think a tough week has just fallen on me, but I need God. I really do, it seems too big a problem right now but he's there i know it. I need to trust Him.

There are things that have been broken and they seem to be unmendable but I have to keep on trusting and having faith.

There are endless apologies, too many people were hurt. Just too many. Mere words are sometimes useless in expressions of your sincerity, I just don't know now. I seem to be the cause. But i need to have faith.

God help us all in everything that's happening right now. We need You.

We Just Need To Call Out His Name.

Monday, 18 August 2008

Angered

It's just that surge you get, that doesn't want to leave you, and it feeds you. You want to do something irrational but you seem to be in control. But sometimes the surge takes control of you. The inability to make good decisions. Sometimes you seem to have that feeling of enjoyment in it, the sadistic kind. Maybe you want that feeling to be kept in you, but it eats you slowly.

Friday, 15 August 2008

Endless Riddle

I've kept and succesfullly maintained my hyperactive state for about 3 days now, as Marvie couldn't have said it better "be happy". Well yes, I tend to forget about any mindless problem that gets in my way. Letting go with nothing but a carefree thought.

My personal key to optimism is any problem that cannot be solved or worked at immediately or at the time being, is not a problem that you should constantly worry about. This attitude doesn't mean forgetting that you do have a problem but every problem requires a deep thought. Upon resolving it, a time for reflection. But since you cant do things instantly why worry about them? Give them a thought and have a plan to implement. You have to pray of course and seek His guidance. Soemtimes the best slution is to wait for clarity before making decisions.

* * *

A recent phonecall just now, has left me in a mindless riddle. The sort where you are not given many clues and less space to manoveur - leaving the riddler in control of the situation. It was simple, I should be seeing something that i cannot see, or i've seen that i've ignored. Seems ironic that i've put it in these terms. Hanging up - I've realised some things:
  1. What is going on?
  2. Are the people that i trust involved somehow?
  3. What did i miss out?
Annoying in a sense hat you don't know what your dealing with. Confused as you the reader could be at the moment. It could be anything to a major flaw in my character, soemone I've hurt, a couple of hurtful words said to the wrong person, a misjudgment, the happy-go-lucky in me taking over some aspect in my personality - or what i fear some plain flaw that i know of and been trying to correct. I fear in a sense that I've wasted time on this nonsense.

There are other things in my mind that seem to be dragging me down. This has been the second layer in the cake as you might call it. I know that some people are hiding things from me, I deserve to know a couple of facts about a certain issue, someone wants to burst out in anger over something that has got to do with me, and I've unwittingly hurt a couple of people and haven't or may have realised then ignored it.

You could call it "High-School" issues all over again. This time in a very bland exercise of hurt people and i the instigator of the pain.

what could be extremely surprising right now is finding out that is all nothing but useless and miserable "wild goose chases" in my imagination. Funny, how i seem to be annoyed at this.

a whole article seemingly dedicated to the question:

"Now someone please tell me what is going on?!"


I don't even seem to want to proof read this, well I'll probably read it once i click "Publish Post"
Anyways: STAY HAPPY PPL !

GOD LOVES YOU!!!

Half a Fortnight

No more random titles guys.
I'm cutting it short.
I find it extremely annoying explaining sometimes.

Saturday, 9 August 2008

The End

I think im forced to cut the period of using girl's names as blog titles, since various speculations have risen up. To answer what you all are thinking of, "what you're thinking off isn't true hahaha". I'm going back to random titles for my blog.

* * *

It's been a normal weekend i guess... I went to Jackie's bday party yesterday.
It seemed alright there seemed one rule in play however.

"if you don't dance, you don't eat" hahahaha

* * *

I feel like a really boring person today, there's nothing much on my mind.
Just had a phonecall with nainai I seemed to have bored her for the first time. Crappers. I suck haha. I'm sorry for boring you ><. She was getting herself done i presume, i wonder when she's gonna come back.

* * *

I'll probably sleepover at habeel's this week. Better enjoy my holidays.

Crappers. Imma go read. Be back later.

Thursday, 7 August 2008

I forgot to post this...


that is one weird tomato... its got like something sticking out of it.

haha lol
when i saw that i was like "that's going into my blog!"

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Zarina Unknowingly Attempts to Tempt

listening to: the airconditioning and the keyboard

keii... i thought i told myself not write this down but i had too.
I'll leave it in my drafts first. Nainai won't be pleased reading this, i seemed to be settled now. Should i still write this? keii i will.
it hurts like crap.
imagine you get told firsthand information about what happened on that night, it cuts, what did i do to deserve it? Well I guess it really is my fault...
i don't want to rant on my blog bt i feel like i have too right now... coz it really hurts. I know i should forget about her, well the pain feels gone and thought i am one extremely sore loser it goes... it's been a couple of days since we talked about it.
I know i don't have a chance with her anymore, there's this one side of me that hopes for her to come back to me, it hurts, its pathetic since i have nothing to cling on to. I know that she knows what I'm feeling trying to reduce the heartache by calling me bestfriend and by saying she loves me back. But not in the way i hoped that she would love me back, on the other hand its her tool of telling me in her kindest way that we can never be together, that i've spoilt everything. My chances, my oppurtunities... everything. It's all gone.
Maybe I hope that one day she'll come back to me, like what i always hoped. That one day we were the one's meant to be for each other. But is that all a distant reality that is not this one's?
The pain is there its not throbbing right now but seeing her face sometimes makes it throb reopening the wounds that were kept sealed up. It's been one week, but i've hoped for more than that. Maybe i have to get over but i don't want to, i'm stubborn. I've always had the will power to get ove other girls but why don't i want to give up with her?
Did my shallowness really caused this much destrution in my life right now? That I've lost a girl that I really liked... maybe I did fall in love this time around. Maybe I did but I don't really know, do i really understand love?
She gave me a little hope in our talk last week, i told her lets just be friends and not rush anything... but i knew there was no "anything", the only thing there is, is 'nothing'. I told her we'll return to our normal relationship the one we had before bestfriends, but what happened these past two months?
Is there a lesson apart from that my shallowness is really stupid?
Hwat happened during the time she was mad at me? Where ther any influences? Where there any backstabbers? I don't know even if my question will ever be answered.
I thought that i did have a chance.
Maybe I did love you. Maybe I did love you alot.
Maybe i was just plain stupid to realize that, i know there's many guys after you... but how ome a month or two before this i felt like it was still mutual. It really is my fault isn't it?
first i fell for you again maybe because of shallow reasons, then i really fell for you. But when i did fall for you there was love but that love was all painful. Extremely painful. It's hard to wake up when your first thought of the day was why did she do that with him?
My fault i know.. all mine.

I am such a shallow person right?

That's why i didn't have the balls to ask you out, I was probably scared of what my friends would think. Scared of other people's opinions, when my friend told me some crap that he didn't care, i was okay with the fact.

I'm really really ashamed right now. I've just eaten my pride writing this all down

Ashamed that I let other people dictate my life. I do want you back, but maybe not now maybe next time... if there is one.


Or maybe in the end we are not really meant to be.

Did i tell ou of the times when i jokingly asked you out i was half serious, or the times you talked about other guys i was a bit jealous or maybe more jealous?

well i guess its too late to say that. would have made a greatidealistic soap but this is the truth and it hurts.

i feel calmed right now. I'm suddenly worried that what i wrote right now was useless just probably plain rhetoric but i know there were feelings in this... real ones. I need to stop now.

maybe we should just keep it this way.

but if you one day come back, and im still waiting. we'll start anew and i promise i'll do my very best not to hurt you. I'll take care of you. I really will.

One thing i have to admit however.

I think i did reallly... love you.

Monday, 4 August 2008

"Haya Siberian Huskies are nice!"

My brand, a few days after the branding. Ouchie... hahaha XD




There I've been wanting to post this for some time...
Unfortunately it doesnt look like that anymore... its healed,
unfortunate? hahahaha well not really healed as its still there but it doesn't lok this grave anymore.
Well the story is quite simple I should say, one day Habeel had this 'magnificent' idea (sarcasm intended) of branding all of us with the same mark. More like getting ourselves branded with the same mark. So one day when I had my science IGCSEs to do - Majid, Paolo, Nial & Habeel found it very friendly to do the branding without me.
Hesitant at first i didn't want to do it, in fear of my parent's violent reactions. As peer-pressure might have it Majid got annoyed and told me to do it, so when all my tests were done we went straight to Habeel's and i got myself branded. the thing was i felt the brotherhood significance of it lost, when Habeel agreed to brand Hanan on her lower back. Nasty.
It didn't hurt actually, the spot was cleaned with alcohol, pendant heated to a high temperature and then applied to your skin, after an extremely short period of time. Presto, you're a human cow. it does sting i must warn you - don't try it is my advice - and if you were to flinch you'd get everything messed up. The pain is temporary since the pendant isn't left there for a long time - maybe around 2 seconds.
After mine, Hanan got hers done on her lower back. As predicted by all of us, she started screaming in false fear. Then with the proud boast "it doesn't hurt. that was it?" haha i still have it on my fone.

Oh well that's one piece of stupidity you shouldn't try!

hahaz it does look nice however and there's the brotherhood involved so... i guess...


oh well's your choice in the end.


* * *

I think this is the last of my pathetic hour haha.
Where is Saosie? She seems to be the pnly one around at this time. Now I don't have anyone to talk to >..<

* * *

Nainai is going to get a call later on today. If she's getting the job - wootwoot for her. Im trying to tell my mom to pull her strings and try to get me one. It's so hard to get a summerjob here in Bahrain sometimes. It's that i don't like bumming around and waiting for college to come right around the corner, i need to do something productive. Either a job or a class, or maybe if i get a job i can support myself to take classes somewhere, i don't really enjoy being a pain to people even my own parents. Let's just pray i get that job.
Well back to Nainai well she'll be working six days a week and its 8 hours I prolly won't have time to talk to her as much as before... crappers. I'm gonna miss her hahas - we have become the closest things in the island lately.

* * *


I wrote a separate entry before this but i'm not going to post it for personal reasons. I will post it maybe in the ever so near future.

I found comments on my blog and I didn't notice so i had to make a replies haha seems to be 2 weeks late by the looks of it. oh well it's truly the thoguht that counts.

I convinced Sophie to make a blog of her own, she's still new so i guess she has to get used to it. Her link is somewhere to the right over there. I don't think I'll have any time to read its 3 minutes till 2am. I'm not ready to sleep yet. Not really in the mood to, there seems to be a good movie on, but I've missed a good hour of it already. I'll probably catch up on my reading in the morning. Waking up at 9am and getting yourself fixed up seems like a good exercise for me. Early rising is a good habit, but I do sleep in on Saturdays. Oh well's the entry is getting really long now I'll cut it short.

I'll probably either log off now or upload pics. Oh well, until later then.

353

Sunday, 3 August 2008

Rehanna Likes Shawarma!

listening to: Yahhh - Soulja Boi (however u spell that)
now listening to: Fully Alive - Flyleaf

nainai!

u suck hahahaha yeah... use my advice against me...!

Why don't you?! hahaz

Don't think too much kkz?

Sleeping huh? Liar!
"Yeash 'nainai' is sleeping but don't disturb her im talking to her right now"
wuv u *nuggles* hahahah


XD

353

Dominique's Grip on my Reality

listening to: Pop, Lock and Drop It (remix) - Huey feat. Bow Wow and T-Pain?

It's amazing what music does to your mood. Highly remarkable.

Well today has it ups and downs, let's say my lil personal problem has left me emotionally messed up. There are things that i want to write down but have no more meaning right now so i abstain from writing them now. Probably later, some other time when i consider this week's event when I wan to reflect, not to mention its terribly embarassing in some way.

One thing I will admit, finally after so long, Renz has finally experienced heartbreak hahaha (and the girl's go wild!). Yeah, it hurts - wow - really does haha. Oh well, I've decided: I'm letting you go, if circumstances arise and I'm sincerely deserving you'll come back.

And yes with every problem there's a lesson... I've listd those down whilst talking to 'nainai' - it just seemed like the first three were simlar with the last one hahaha. It's my fault anyway, I deserved it. I deserved it all, but I can't dwell on it for the rest of my life can I? hahaha

I haven't turned emo hahahaz don't worry ppl.

I have to let go... I'm quite happy right now. More glad. The thoughts I had were harsh and they hurt - I'm letting go.

* * *

I've let insecurities rule me today, I've been thinking about too many things. You won't imagine.

Yeash 'nainai' has date tomorrow and I've got my eyes on that as well. Can't help it hahaha.


* * *

Debt of Honour is nearing its middle... I tend to eat the books nowadays. Well I don't want to be part of that common speedreader joke by someone, who was it again?

--> "I've read 'War and Peace" in ten minutes... it was about Russia"

Hahaha... I don't know if you get the joke but its a common one.


* * *

'nainai' seems worried... *sigh* I'll talk to her in a bit.

Amira is problematic as well, I think I've hurt today I'll see what's wrong tomorrow.

Hahahah these ppl are worrying me.

* * *

Due to transport problems I haven't being going out lately... probably this August I'll make up for it. I'm looking forward to Grace's Birthday bash... woohoo

Hahaha I've just stopped being pathetic... I'm back to normal again and newly improved too hahahaz.

My insecurities and slight jealousies are making me improve my stuff. But envy is wrong I know better...

I better watch myself.

* * *

A whole entry with in-ear headphones on. Hmmm... was anything wrong up there? Oh wells...


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