Saturday, 28 November 2009

Gulp

So I woke up feeling sick. The Filipina Mom barges in and starts venting about something I barely care about and vaguely remember. The pillow over my head seems to be utterly useless at this point, and I manage to get 10 minutes more sleep, when I then feel my throat and I don't even want to get out of bed.

Funny it's not even a short story.

I roll out of bed and hit the floor with both my feet, in a manner I always do to get my lazy bum out of its abode. I seriously hate sleeping cause it's boring but once you get me started its a vice. So the sudden horizontal fetal position to vertical rise gets me out of bed, and of course Mom is still bickering away.

Hit the bathroom, whilst simultaneously flipping the laptop open. Check my sites, check my mail.

Mom still continues bickering, whilst I send a reply to Shereen who's had me worried sick.

Monique keeps me company while I reply to everything that went on while I was asleep.

Lunch.

Back online - interrupted by the family in Philippines - Mom's using my laptop then.

Back online ...again.

Turns out she's not dead hahaha. So that's all bliss.

I accidentally drink out of a rusty can of juice, and I wonder if I'm going to get tetanus.

It's 8.51Pm.

I'm not feeling well.

and I'm Dead BORED.


Sunday, 22 November 2009

Let's Play.

So I'm currently at Nico's place right now, sprawled on the bed with Lester wasting his life in front of the PC as usual. Soo cute.

The rest of their family including Nico are in the living room watching TV.

I'm bored senseless.

Better Than Me

I know it's messed up that I'm naming the post after a song done by Hinder, even stranger that I'm currently listening to it though I've always had my personal opinions on their lifestyles... haha.

Let's start with an update. I'm single and I'm happy.

Since everyone can't keep to themselves [: and want to know the reasons for the breakup.
It's plainly like this, I made a cute little promise to myself that I'm going to try to be serious with the chicas, though it upset alot of my hombres I think I'm sticking to it (at least for the remainder of this year [: ).

Honestly, I didn't want to be unfair to her, and to clarify things. No third parties were involved and it was done quietly. I take full responsibility for the breakup, it was my personal decision. I don't really think there was anything for me to hold on to in the relationship, though she was sincere in everything that she did (at least to me), for my own personal reasons I discontinued our relationship. It wasn't rumours, it wasn't another chick and I don't hate her.

I just didn't want to be unfair. and hurt her more in the long run.

I feel bad about it - heck any guy would - I'm not an insensitive robot okay?
And yes I guess that there was love in the beginnning and it would be pretty much more unfair if I denied it so.

Was it infatuation?
I don't really want to comment on that right now.

I've hurt alot of people this month.

* * *

Secondly.
This part of this entry is dedicated to you, and you know who you are.

I never meant to hurt your feelings, maybe I didn't really reciprocate what you felt for me. But that doesn't erase the fact that you mean alot to me and I'm not going to throw our friendship away because of an inconsistency in our current relationship.

I never meant to hurt you in any way consciously, look I already know I'm arrogant and cocky, but to get all that from you, who I thoughtt understood me?

It hurt me somewhat as well okay?

Love?

Seriously, I love you. Probably not in the way you would want me to do so, but I don't know why I don't.

Look I don't want you to blame yourself and I want you to blame me instead okay?

It is my fault.
You're a wonderful person, I don't deserve you, maybe it's because I'm not ready for someone like you.

You'd make an excellent girlfriend. Even a wife. :]

You mean alot of me, please just don't throw that away.

* * *

Look guys, I'm arrogant, inappropriate, cocky, very blunt and a giant womanizing flirt, but that doesn't make me that bad of a person.

It doesn't.

And I know sometimes it's hard for me to say this to some of you concerned.

"You all certainly deserve much better than me".

Especially the chicas [:

But kidding aside. I'm bloody human and I get hurt too. When someone falls for me and I can't return their feelings I get hurt as well. You want to know why?

Because that's the time where your ego inflates, does a dance and realizes that you've hurt someone. Hurting someone, is even more worse than getting hurt.

Cause there's nothing you can do about it.

Nothing.

* * *

You all want to know why I'm not in a relationship?

I'm not a douche, I was.

I used to break alot of hearts.

But I guess this time I'm a more matured douche. [:

Though I tell the truth bluntly, it's still the bloody truth.

* * *

I read your last entry.
You have nothing to be sorry for.
It's my fault.

You want advice?

I'll contradict your sentence,
your friends are not you,
at the end of the day; it's you who call your own calls and not them.

My ate once told me something, "a relationship Renz is between two people, not your circle of friends, not your family, not your barangay"

* * *

To non-Fili people my apologies

[:

* * *

As for me.
I choose to hope, make my own decisions and fall in love. If I were to get hurt?
I'd take it in the face like a man and move on and love like I've never been hurt.
Funny ay? So quotable, I'd pinch my cheeks right now if I could. Haha
Even though I've got an impenetrable facade I still have a heart and if you dont believe that, I'm sick of explaining myself.

It's my life, I worry about all of you too much sometimes. I should start making decisions that make me happy, because at the end of the day, I can only do so much for your life and it's still my life that I lead not yours.

Me?

I'm quite angsty right now. But of course I'm yearning.

As I've always said again and again: "Who doesn't want someone crazy over them and you're crazy over that person as well".

I'm a tad bit too optimistic I guess.

But you know.

I'm not scared to fall in-love and accept my faults, know why?

Happiness isn't received, it's lived.

I choose to be happy.

[: